death screams a new life

How come?

2006-08-26T18:13:00.000+08:00

How can it be true if it started from a lie? A denial of what is real, closing the doors on the genuine things. A governing cloud glistening with fake spins of the pouring rain. It is a dream of false memopries that cannot be considered as a fact.
That's what a love is..... A make believe of things that never really existed.

kilala mo ba ako?

2006-08-26T18:10:00.000+08:00

Nakita mo na ba ako?
Nakita mo na ba ako? Ako na ako, hindi na ako na isa lamang pangalan sa mga taong nakilala mo. Napansin mo na ba ang mga mata kong nakatitig sa iyo? Mga matang naghahanap ng sagot sa mga katanungang itinatago ko sa likod nito. Ma kasagutang hindi mo maibibigay. Binigyan mo na ba ng panahong masdan ang tenga ko? Ang sinupan ng musika ang pangalan mo. Ang lugar kung saan naririnig ko ang mga yabag ng paa, ang galak ng tawa mo, ang tinik sa pagluha mo, ang tibok ng puso mo. Natignan mo na ba ang labi ko? Ang labing nasasabik na mahagkan ang anino sa hangin. Ang labing naghahanap ng kapareha nito. Ang labing hinihiling na sana na sa iyo ang susi para mabuksan ang pinto ng mga salitang nasasambit ko ngunit nakatago sa isang kumot ng pagdududa at hiya. Pinagmasdan mo na ba ako? Ang mga kamay na bumabagsak sa kawalan sa tuwing ikay darating. Ang mga paang nanlalambot sa yabag na umaalon sa presensya na dala mo. Ang katawang nanginginig sa tuwing madidikit ka sa tabi ko. Katawang naghihintay na yakapin mo.
Ngayon! Sabihin mo kung kilala mo ako!

Isang umaga

2006-08-26T18:07:00.000+08:00

Nakita kita, nakatingin sa kalayuan. Ang mga mata mo ay nangingintab sa halong pungay ng umaga. naka ikot ang paninginsa pisarang natatabunan ng mga alikabok, tulad ng aking panagarap na napasa ilalim sa pagdududa at hiya. Sumulyap ka patalikod, nakangiti. Maaliwalas ang iyong mukhang sumalubong sa aking mapaklang pag kagising. Sa gitna ng magulong silid ay tila tumahimik ang paligid at ang natira lamang ay ikaw at ako. Ikaw na nagpakitang mahina ako at ako na pilit lumalaban sa kahinaang hindi ko maamin sa aking sarili. Isang kislap sa oras at ang panaginip na iyoy mababasag na parang salamin na nahulog sa napakataas na pangarap. SA isang iglap ay lumingon ka palayo, tumingala at nagsimulang yumuko. Antok at pagod ang naramdaman mo sa araw na iyon. Ngunit nais ko pang makita ang mukhang nagtatago sa brasong pinapananggalang mo sa liwanag ng mundo. Kahit na alam kong hindi ko mahahagkan ang pisnging iyon ay pinapangarap ko pa rin na maksama kita.... kahit isang umaga lang.

Another Night, Another Day

2006-06-10T17:30:00.000+08:00

Another night of agony. A dark void of pretentitious fantasies that tries to grab the soul mourning inside this body. A Dance beteween a silhoutte of shadows and deception, hiding the truth. Forcing the steel heart to turn into a melting candle by the fire burning randomly through the whispers of the wind.

Another day of scorching heat cutting through my skin like electric flames piercing my being into a torment of lies. A moment under the brilliant sun hoping that someday that these dreams will surely come true. A wish that will make me happy and another, sad. But this day is engulf in black clouds that slowly turning the sunshine into wind and rain. Slowly the rain is streaming thru my face, gently mixing with the tears. Tears that are made up of longing and hurts from the past that might never leave my heart.

Every Heart

2006-05-18T21:41:00.000+08:00

its been a long time since Ive updated in this blog. half a year or so..... its bevause Ive been busy; as busy as a rat trying to find a cheese to eat for supper. Hai...... the past semester was reallly axhausting. It took away half of my energy eberyday that I cannot feel my legs when I step back into our house.

If you dont know what I am talking about, just see the pictures on the BSE-CAE groups on yahoo; entitled "The Ladies and the Senator." It was an exhilirating and exhausting ride in which I learned that I can do better than I have limited myserlf to do so. (Notice that I used the prefix EX twice? its because the experience was out of the ordinary.) every fiber of my body, every sweat wasted, every tears and shouts that had been shed and thrown out of control, every money spent (as if) was worth it.

this time, I will mention those who I would like to thank most, specially those people who I owe alot in inspiring me to make this project a success.

Edsel schields, the one who knows that he is not a leader material, but despite that, he led us to a sussessful interlude in our college life.

Joseph and Gianne, the two people that has an unyielding energy to fulfill their duty as a member of our group.

Lea..... baboy hehehehehe

Papa to kiss in the dark (A+)

2006-05-15T20:26:00.000+08:00

A revealing yet incest-related/young awakening yaoi story in which the story revolves around Mira, Kazu and Shorimine. a typical high-school-boy-to-older-lover story. The way it is different because of the story that is quite like Gravitation..... but the story has its turn about having someone liking you more that your lover.

Haruka Kanata

2006-05-11T20:01:00.000+08:00

"Haruka kanata", means far-off distance, that phras still rsonats lik a bell in my had. Its been more than three yars sinc I first heard that phrase. The first time I heard it, is in Naruto's opening theme. The song inspired me alot in pursuing the needlss dreams of a carbon-based lif form struggling to be something out of nothing. That struggle is a journey that most of my kind fail to accomplish. A long road that may fulfill anf destroy the dream of a soul. It may be a sweet embrace or a horrific dream.

For me, dreaming was a childs play in which on is trying to grab on to something invisible. a game in which you will bt your lif and di trying to win a stupid choice of lif. death, rise and fall.

But now, as I reach the point in choosing my own destiny..... I hope that on day I will catch the Haruka Kanata

Song for the day

2006-05-11T19:27:00.001+08:00

The best way to end your day is to pick up a song and try to connect whatyou have been feeling the whole day. To make the people understand that a son can paint the motions you have prtruding.... the happiness that was your prerogative..... the sadness that stills you..... the fear that embraces you, that made your soul shivers......

The song that I picked to nd my day is BoA's everyhart.....

The song depicts what I am feelig today. I need not to explain the reason behin this pic. For reasons are just rubbish representations of stupidity and the lack of knowledge.

Until next time.

Song for the day

2006-05-11T19:27:00.000+08:00

how can i fall

2005-12-27T19:48:00.000+08:00

how can i fall to some one i never really knew, to someone who walked by my life and left without even daying goodbye. A shadow in the verge of a beacon blinding its spirit that i cannot recognize his face. a silhoutte in the mist that i cannot even hold him in just a time. a moment when i can smell his aromatic essence, when i can hold him beneath my everlastng heart.

a christmas gift

2005-12-27T19:09:00.000+08:00

Emo

2005-07-15T15:18:00.000+08:00

I always thought that I moved on, that I coquered my fears of having him inside my system for so long. But I was wrong, The fears came bac and haunts my present. It rapidly crippling me with nightmares of yesterday. That I cant grasp what was coming and kept holding on what was undone. Im still believing on a fantasy that was not really meant to be a happy ending. A fantasy only I created..... I created on wishing about people places and things as i want them to be...... This is all i can tell for now..... I cant say no more.

Learning the art of letting go

2005-05-12T15:30:00.000+08:00

"Now here it comes, the hardest part of all. Unchain my heart thats holding on. Where do i start to live my life alone. guess im just learning. Learning the art of letting go."

Last night me and my two best friends went out on a walking frenzy of nearly 3 kms. We have decided to watch the Bb and Maginoong sta. Ana when suddenly we all nodded to go back home. While we were walking along Suter street, we saw a friendly face. An acquaintance named Bong. A schoolmate from high school.

To cut it short (because im tired of typing) Roxan and Bong went to Danjos house and fetch him........ the teaser is....... im not yet prepared to tell you the whole story...... just read my next entry. it will tell it all.

The next best cook.

2005-04-11T18:20:00.000+08:00

I tried to cook last day and its been an accomplishment for me when i started smelling the price of my hard work. The pan sizzling as i watched it sat in the flame made my heart bounced. I thought about the time when my friend told me that I have no future in cooking. well, i prove her wrong.

It was my granny's idea to let me cook for our lunch last saturday, and i am having doubts if i could pull it off. my granny insisted, he told me to work around the kitchen; that if one day i was left alone in the house i could concuct a digestable piece of meat. and then a miracle came about, i readied adobo and wala..... we digested the damn thing and it was delicious..... wehehehe, maybe next time ill tell you the whole story. that is.....

buried forever in my heart.

2005-04-08T14:07:00.000+08:00

forever be remembered, a still photograph in time. its a big frozen slip in the everchanging world. A man eternally be a part of the 20th century. Pope John Paul II. The head of the Vatican, the master of the catholic church, the pastor that leads every christian to the calm path of spirituality. Now, heis now face to face with God. Embarked on a journey to the perfection of his life, never to return to the house where he came from. A journey that must have been rejoiced, but his travel was mourned by millions of followers.

Now that his body will be accepted by the bossom of the mother earth. he will be one with the limited land of our world. embraced by the fact that we came to ashes and will go back to ahes. buried inside a tomb of dirt and sand.

Mourned by millions of people, celebrated by thousands of angels. Pope John Paul II, you will be forever buried in my heart.

could've been.............

2005-04-05T20:58:00.000+08:00

i could have love him with all of my heart.i could have give him all of his hearts desire. a world where he can only be mine, a world where lips parted to taste the bitter-sweet taste of love feasted by my longing heart. in silenece of my voice i can hear every words falling from his lips, the sweet song rhyming in sweet harmony like the phrase I love You. Oh how i love to live in that world. how i wish i could refract destiny and make him love me. Madly as the waves breaking at the feet of the shore. glaring for that unyealding wish, you holding me, sweetly kissing my hair as it flatters across the wind. a wind that makes a lullaby putting me in a trance of forever dreaming against his body.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh......... how i love that feeling, but i know that it is only a dream. a fantasy i created that never will come true. A fate-forsaken destiny which was unriped by time. and now, i feel alone, crying in the dark.

after the mourning.....

2005-04-04T15:46:00.000+08:00

i am so happy, i just read a message from danjo at my friendster account, and i was electrified. butterflies came into my stomavh just by looking at the name from whom it came from.............waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................. i cannot believe it. Danjo? sending me a message? oh my God. Its all for now.

i never thought that i will mourn

2005-04-04T15:27:00.000+08:00

The head of the catholic church died at the age of 84 (if i am not mistaken). Karol Josef Wojtyla, or Pope John Paul II who served as the light of the church for about 26 years. He was one of my lamp who gave me the faith, faith in god, faith in Christ and faith to my religion.

I was shocked last yesterday when i opened the television and watched CNN. The headline was, Pope john Paul II died. It was a nervous wrecked, I felt the tears flowing down my cheeks when the news came to me. It struck me like a brick, and a cold water waking me from my life; lost in the deception of atheism. It came to my senses that one of my person-would-like-to-meet died. one of my so called Idol, a pilar to my faith. though, i acceptyed the fact that he will not live for about a month, it really hits me in the face. It was a wake up call fo me, a time to go back to the roots of my catholic faith. a time when i have to give myself to celebrate god as the father of my life.

Though i know it is the time for celebration, that Pope had joined thhe angels in the heaven it came to me that a father of the church is lost and never will come back.

My tears shed really fast when i heard the song that was the hymn of the world youth day last 1995 when pope visited the philippines. And it goes something like this.....

for god so loved the world
he gave us his only son
jesus christ our saviour
his most precious one

he hads sent us the message of love
and sent those who hear
to bring the message to everyone (tearjerker.....im holding back my tears bcoz im in a cafe)
in a voice loud and clear

let us tell the world of his love
thegreatest love the world has known
search the world for those who have walked astray
and lead them home

fill the world darkest corner
with his light from up above
walk every step
every mile
every road

and tell the wold, tell the word o his love.

goodbye

2005-03-31T17:35:00.000+08:00

a harsh way of living in this world
a break in the glass of reality
breathing throughly in the midst of deception
this is how i say goodbye

a chaotic haze of fantasy
which i live in the gaea of darkness
the weather blooms in despair
raining on my lips

lashing my breath i came
by your face the shadow
a mere current of flowing dreams
wishes i knew will never be true

as i openly embrace the beacon
of light yet darker than the pits of hell
this is how i say goodbye
holding my life in the edge.

tearing my soul
and in the last gape i bid you adeau.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh....... im all out of love.

2005-03-31T16:19:00.000+08:00

Its been three wild and exhilirating years of monogamous love. A love which really does not exist at all. An alteringterm which I may say, a big stupid joke. Sad to say, I cannot move on; Hes always the one I am thinking of from the first day I met him to the very last second that I posted this entry. Yeah, I love him, with all of me, with every beat of my heart. and I can find n reason on ending this God-forsaken love that I feel for him. Ive been deeply fallen into the pit of longingness and I decided never to run back up to reality. Its all my fault, Its all of me.

Once my bestfriend ask whether i am capableo moving on. I just answered "If moving on means Goodbye, then I will take the risk o loving him all my life." Im so stupid, I know I am. Loving someone who does not love me in return, but I am proud to shout out loud that I love him. People often ask "Are you insane? Are you not stupid enough to love DJ eventhough you know he doesnt love you?" insane, what a harsh word. But if it means that I love that Idiot, I would take pride to be called an Insane person. But am I really the one who is insane? Or DJ is? for you see, he is theone who doesnt take notice of my love. My subtle passion for his lips, his touch, his heart. he is theone who doesnt care if I really exist, if i really a part of reality. The damned reality. or are those people who call this love insanity, who are really insane? did they not know that Unconditional love is the greatest love a person can attain? Its a sacrilage of purity.

little didi I know, someone is loving me. Someone is secretly in love with me but i didnt notice his passion. Is it because I never want to give him a chance at first? is it because a 14 year old is too young for me? is it because i am afraid to get into a relationship again? is it because i am afraid that he doesnt know what he feels? is it because im living in a dream and wishing that someday, maybe someday DJ will love me? or it is plainly because i am all out of love, and icant give theboy a bit of love i am feeling for dJ.

GOD..... please help me to sort what i feel. its really flaterring when he tell me all those wonderful thing, butflaterry doesnt necessary mean love. I dont want to hurt his feeling, neither do i want to be hurt. What shall I do?

My love..........

2005-03-22T14:59:00.000+08:00

E2 na ang mahal ko.................. maniwala kayo hahahahaha............

i love him...........2log na kami

ang gwapo.

the best.

A cruel fate

2005-03-22T13:48:00.000+08:00

Fate had tormented my poor soul for the last 3 years. It his fault that I fell in love with someone who doesnt know that I exist. Its like chaos hovering the depths of my consciousness. It is by fate that I feel this aching doubt in my heart that I cannot stand alone without the sight of him. YES! fate did it all to me, its by his doing that Ive fallen deeper than i ever known before. and it is by fate that i still love the same bullshit!

Still, I want to shout out loud that i want to move on, that i want to forget him. to make him go away, far from my eye sight. I want to found peacefuness, where the wind will blow to my face and say that i am a free soul. Free as I can be. Free to roam and soar the neverending sky above my head. To feel the warmth of life spreading through every veins in my fate forsaken body.

Just a moment is all I need, to think and reminisce the time when all of my strength is only mine. Mine alone. My love, mine alone. Not given to someone who I know will never love me in return. I want to think till my head burst in pain. so that I cannot think of him anymore.

I whimper and cry and sometimes shiver when that stupid person is drawn towards me.electrified evrytime i see him eyeing me, never knowing what to do everytime he does that.

I cannot think no more............ I cannot write no more.................. I acnnot, I cannot let go.

And to you........... i bid adeue

A story to tell....... A scary one

2005-03-14T19:30:00.000+08:00

I was reading the second book of Philippine Ghost Stories when I remembered one of the most frigthening tale that my Aunt has to offer.

It was in the midst of August, a rainy week, when three wake were been held on South, East and North part of our Baranggay. My Aunt was then pregnant to her second child. It was in the middle of the night when she woke and started to get hungry. She impulsively woke my Uncle and told him to join her to buy some bread in the nearby bakery.

It rained all night, and as they went outside, it really poured into their umbrella. The umbrella didnt really covered the two, and my Uncle was worried that my Aunt would get sick. Halfway through the path, they saw a stranger wearing a black top and pants, walking under another umbrella.

"boss, can you help us and permit my wife to cover under your umbrella?" My Uncle ask. the man just nodded.

My Aunt hurriedly positioned herself under the umbrella holding his husbands elbow close. Under the rain they walk and finally fopund themselves a block away from the bake shop. My Aunt suddenly felt the raindrops on her head, shoulder and half of her body (for the other half is covered by my Uncles umbrella).

"Manong, can you move your umbrella a little bit towards me, for the rain drops are falling at me." My Aunt courteously ask the man. The man didnt answer.

My Aunt looked at the man in his face and was abashed what she found out. She didnt see the mans face. Although shocked, he pulled his husband closer and dragged the man.

My uncle ask, "Why the hurry?"

She just reply, "the man has no face."

Startled, they both look bacak, and what they saw was more frigthening than the first encounter. They saw the umbrella turned into a "scythe"(The weapon which Tanathos holds). They both run staright to the bake shop and when they looked back one more time. They saw the man no more.

Slam Dunk....... about Rukawa and Sendo

2005-03-06T19:21:00.000+08:00

ever think why Rukawa hate Sendo that much? and why Sendo hate number 11 and Rukawa hate number 7? well here it is..... i hope to be more accurate than ever. okay.... heres the catch.

In a manga, rukawa and sendo were sent to America after the nationals.They shared the same apartment when they were there. everybody knows that they hate each other. why? because of the number written on their Jersey's. Rukawa 11 and Sendo 7. One day, they met at the kitchen as they had their breakfast. they said all the things they hate about each other and why do they hate vthe number imprinted on both teams.

sendo: he hates number 11 because.
-it was when he was still 11 years old when he first fell in love and dump by the one he fell ion love with. (admit it or not.... its rukawa hehehehe)
-11:00 am is the practice session of Ryonan.
- he was late for 11 minutes when he was on grade 6 and was punished....
-by 11 pushups.

rukawa: i should let you find out for yourself why rukawa hates the number 7.......... ahihihihihihi..........infinity

A new Naruto..... whatever

2005-03-06T19:03:00.000+08:00

ABS-CBN will -for a try- again air Naruto. At first I was glad to hear that from the network, built with excitement i also have doubts about airing the last 27 episodes that was not shown the last time. Kapamilya like other networks promised to show never before seen episodes prime time. what the heck.... they always say that. i can forsee that whatever ABS-CBN has to offer about the new episodes, they cannot air all of it because of slashable yaoi between Kakashi and Naruto or Naruto and Sasuke. The MTRCB wont permit it, in the end, cuts will be made and the anime will be just a piece of tagalog dubbed junk.

About the last 27 episodes..... you think that Naruto will turn into a monster with eight tails..... think again, or maybe not. If you want to know the truth.... watch it. its only Php 25.00 at Anime Explorer (quiapo branch), Php 35.00 at 2rats for the brats (isettan recto branch), Php 75.00 at Rowies (paco mla) and if you want areally good copy buy the whole series for Php 3,500.00 at Animaiac at robinsons place ermita.

I assure you that its not just a waste of money..... well, till next time.

I will never again take the life of a ninja if that ninja is you..... Sakura of kohone tribe. episode 76

deathscreams.

Angels and Demons

2005-03-04T12:58:00.000+08:00

angels and demons
Dan brown
Php 390.00
National Bookstore, Power books, Merriam Webster...etc.

Dan Browns second novel is the prequel to his first one(Te da vinci Code). It narrates the first adventure of Robert Langdon. this includes the strory of Roberts love interest whih was not poperly mentioned in The Da Vinci Code; Vittoria Vetra. The novel describes Langdon as a natural cryptographer and symbologist as he is.

The story evolves around Sciene and Religion, their atrocities and the war between the two. It distinguishes one from the other as of their own principles and beliefs. Brown did an beevabe research about the two. About CERN and the Hadron Smasher which goes for miles and miles undergound just to acceerate a single atom to create Anti-matter. Back-uped with such high intelgence, Dan Brown gave a speficic idea on how Sience complimens Relgius beief.

I can say that Angels and Demns is the speaker of the Church History and Secrets,. Though some of the facts are merely fiction, which i do believe so, it gives an overview on Religious iconology and history. It i the perfect peep show on the curches not so dak secrets.

It follows Langdon as he decipher the hidden meanings of some great artworks made by Bernini. The four pillars of the free masons which are called, The Illuminatis (the Illuminatis are described in the novel),which lead to the path of llumination.

Dan Brown is really a great descriptor as I want to call him. Entrailed with great expectations from the first best seller, he actually is an artist in desccribing places and icons. He really proves that reading can take you to places you've never been before. Bowns masterpiece is not drawn in bright colors on canvas, it is written on papers but as vivid as that of a painters work.

Without a doubt, Angels and Demons is a fast-paced novel that happened in just as quick as twelve hours in the holy city and Rome. It is a mind boggling, high IQ story that will make you stand from your seat and leave you speechless with its twist.

Angels and Demons is novel of secrecy, deceptions, trust, lies, intelligence and history. Definitely a good investment.

Four Pillars

Habakkuk. The altar of fire

west ponente. Altar of Air

Ecstacy of saint Theresa. The altar of Fire

"…his great golden spear…filled with fire… plunged into me several times…penetrated to my entrails…a sweetness so extreme that one could not possibly wish it to stop." - St. Teresa

The four rivers. Altar of water.

Hadron Smasher.

I know im SMART but are SMART smart?

2005-02-22T16:20:00.000+08:00

I had a good start today, Bagyo texted me at around 1 am today and lasted until 4 am. I slept for about an hour and woke up at exactly 5 am. it was a fine day for me, my group got the highest grade in panitikan, many thanks to me.... but i think i should not take all the credit. ma'am maaliw, for the first time called me five times in a row when i wanted t resite. then, ms catalan didnt come to our class so we get our things packed and headed to figarro coffee shop at SM mla. we chit chatted for an hour or so when suddenly Bagyo send me this most sweet quote-which i wished he really mean it-and suddenly i felt butterflies inside my tummy. After that, we headed to Quantum and played with the arcade. Then i suddenly remembered that my granny wanted meto open my Smart Gprs and MMS so that i can send pictures of my younger sister abroad. we headed to Smart wireless center at the fourth floor, we got a number, headed to booth number four, gave my cellphone to a Smart attendant, the attendant went inside the office, waited for half an hour, got my cellphone back, tried to download a polytone, checked my load balance and WALA the my load plummeted from Php 252 to Php 5.09. As i read the text message from Smart Service, my knees went weak, my heart pounded for about a thousand beat per minute, I went into a state of shock. I pulled my acts together and asked the attendant why did my load consumed that much for 30 minutes. She answered that she didnt really do anything t my cellphone, she just tried to send an MMS to another cellphone. That Gaga, did she really think that we, Lea and Mae would believe her? So we went down to smoke a cigarre because i really am tensed on what had just happened. As we smoked, Lea took my phone just to ind out that thereis an unknown number registered on my call list. we met anniel and went back to Smart Wireless Center, yes four of us. We got a number, headed to booth number two, was sent to sit, the girl who corrupted my load went inside the office, a nice lady went straight to us, ask me whats wrong, i answered nad told her everything, go my cellphone, went into the office, talked to the culprit, went back to us. She said that the witch just made a misscall on the number registered in my phone so that she may know my cell phone number, i told the nice lady, i wrote my number on the logbook therefore she ca get my number on that piece of shit. Im thinking that they all put some blanket on each other so that they would not be blamed. after that, she told me to write a letter of complain, i wrote one with the help of my friend anniel, gave it to her, told me to wait for a call for they will investigate the matter proper. so we went outside to find a computer shop, before we went outside, Lea called the Smart Hot line *888 to ask about the transactions made between 2-2:30 (the time when my phne was with the paking bitch). the operator told that there had been 11 calls made between that hour. You see, that fucking bitch and the nice-fucking lady was lying. Tomorrow, i wil go back to Smart Wireless Center and ask for furthr explanation.

I cant believe that i held back my esteem, i didnt make any frantic reactions. whow.... thats a new world record. I feel that i am maturing.

Karma is the cosmic balance that puts everything in shape, what you reap is what you sow.

A new shirt gone bad

2005-02-19T21:34:00.000+08:00

I always knew the saying "what you wear tells who you are" and i never knew that it would ne clear to me..... that is, until today. I was given a new striped off-white and blue la coste shirt by my ninang. it was a comfortable dress for me, quite warm but its bearable. i intende to wear it today for my saturday classes in rhetoric. i paired it with a denim pants from jag and a blue sneakers. i felt comfortable in this outfit. i feel that i am invincible because of the fact that i am wearing a tag'd t-shirt. that was when i was not yet stepped into the corridors of Ramon Avancena H.S. As i approached Lorraine, she said, "Jim. May problema ba? para kasing sobrang haggard ka eh." Maridel also took note on the way i look, "para kang sabog. adik ka ba?" she immediately said. and so does Isa, Yoh, Cielo, Ai and Marivic. I felt that the shirt that i am wearing is not 'bagay' to me. i feel so ashamed, abashed in a mockery of fashion realm. and then when i got home, a friend of mine told me, "Bakla mukha kang gusgusin dyan sa suot mong damit." Need not to say anything else, that proves that clothing makes a person.

Intimadating

2005-02-18T19:17:00.000+08:00

I didnt know that i was that intimidating..... that is.... until now. My friend Heidi told me that I am that intimidating to other guys, and that is one of the greatest reasons that they dont want to talk with me.Am i intimidating? i think so.... its my escape goat to not fall in love again, and again, break my heart. I am that cruel anddishonest to boys in terms of my feelings towards them. i tend to say disturbing and sometimes offensive words and statements to the dominant genders.i never thought that i can be out f tune when conversing with them.

"Jim... baka naman naiintimidate sila dahil alam nila na mas magaling ka sa kanila, na mas matalino ka sa kanila, na they are not the worth of you, na they think you are too perfect for them" -Heidi

If perfection means that i will be intimidating to guys then i dont need to be perfect. nahhhhhh......... i want to be perfec, not for somebody else, not for them to see, but for me. i never have to change so that the boys will approach me. I am happy for who i am, and my friends accept me for what i am: therefore, if the boys think im too perfect for them, let them be. letthem be stupid enough to choose not the best gay for them. if guys dont want me to be their partner, good for them, cause theyre not worth for me, not the other way around.

"Jim..... kung ako sa iyo maghahanap na ako ng lifetime partner, baka magaya ka kay kuya miniong, tatanda kang nagtitinda, miserable, sa gilid ng isang school" -Gene

I should thanks Gene for being caring for me..... uyyyyyyyyy kilig........... nope. i think i should tell everyone that i am not looking for a lifetime partner. its just out of my league. another thing is, that i am sure that i cannot find that partner. no one likes me........... well........... except my family and friends. i will grow old, but not miserable.

Aesthetic Perfection

2005-02-14T17:02:00.000+08:00

I am thinking of having a relationship with someone, someone whos intelligent, have a nice body, and cute. am i looking for Mr. Perfect? i think so, but perfection really does not exist in this world. Aesthetic freedom can be really limited to every mortal fantasizing to have a perfect match. But Its just what I am looking for, its what i want, its what i always strive for.and that is one of the many reasons why i still have no boyfriend until now. i really want to have someone chatting in the phone with, hanging in a computer shop with or walk hand in hand in the mall with; but thats not gonna happen in the near future. for i am looking for a perfect person in this imperfect world. i often ask myself why did God not created everyone beautiful? why did he made such impure people in this world. well.... i am not God to answer that. hehehehe ang ikli noh

Rukawa Rukawa L-O-V-E Rukawa

2005-02-09T19:03:00.000+08:00

Im all about him

2005-02-09T18:13:00.000+08:00

"and i curse you for being so sweet and so kind"
(an excerpt from Tatooed on my mind by D' Sound)

Ewan ko ba kung ano na itong nararamdaman ko kau Bagyo. Love na ba ito? o naooverwhelmed lng ako sa nararamdaman ko? Honestly.... d ako makatulog pag gabi, nababangag na nga ako eh. ay oo ng pla, Bagyo is cousin of my cousin. hindi kami related ha. batsa un na un. i met him before christmas, i cant remember the exact date. hes cute, has a nice smile, pinkish lips and his straight. and you know what that means.... That day, we wxchanged cell phone numbers, i got his and he got mine. since then we texted each other. and after a week or two he got my phone number and started to call me. we often talk for hours and i knew alot about him. then, one day, pinaguspan namin si Jodan. inamin ko lahat sa kanya at sabi niya tutulungan nya daw akong makalimutan ko xa. simula noon, nahulog na ako sa kanya. ewan ko kung bakit, at di ko na tinatanong ang sarili ko tungkol doon dahil tanga ako pag dating sa love. ang alam ko lang, i am happy with what i am feeling now. well.... ang sabi nya ay marami naman daw ang lalake dyan. di nya alam na natulungan nya ako ng sobra sa pagkalimot kay Jodan. pero ayokong sabhin sa knya dahil baka lumayo sya sa akin, maalangan xa, alam nyo nya, gay ako. pero ok lng snay n nman ako dyan eh.... well i will enjoy na lang this feeling.... till then, TATA.

Love is really blind

2005-02-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

How can you love someone you hardly know? someone that you havent met? someone you need not give any affection through long distance communication? Well.... I can tell you how. Only a naive like me can fall so fast. so quickly that i cannot help myself getting in a harlem of such possessiveness. I cannot tell why or when did i feel this feeling, and dont try to ask me how i felt it; Im stupid...... stupid to answer that question. He's a friend from a land far away, a buddy who i hardly knew just because of my cousin. But I know that I love him.... I love him..... thats all I can say. wish I can tell it to him, straight to his face, with all my might. But i dont have that chance. I dont have the guts. Its like its stuck in my throath. I am choking on it, im choking on words that i cannot explain how and why will i say it to him. Its been a month know since we texted each other and talk for hours on phone. sometimes sending messages via friendster. But its all there is..... there is no more. I couldnt tell him that I love him. But I know someday, somehow, I can tell it to him. So help me God.

Oblivious

2005-01-31T18:39:00.000+08:00

here i am at your mercy; begging for a chance, a chnace to be heard; a chance to be felt. im here crying my heart out, being just who i am, feeling that i am living. But why cant you see that i exist? do i really exist? am i living, breathing, loving? am i a part of this world? i know i am, but why can you not notice me. why can you not accept the fact that i care for you; that i love you. I love you, i love you: i want to shout it out loud. i want to express it, i wanted.... i wanted.... but i really cant. but still, you must have felt it, even for a minute, even for a split second. You must feel that i love you, that i want to be forever in your arms. but why can you not feel me? why did you stay oblivious to my feelings? do you really love someone else? i can accept the fact that you must love somebody else. that i cannot give you everything that you need. that...... that i cannot give you everything thata woman can do. i know..... amd i will always keep it inside me.

now i realize thatits my fault, i am the oblivious one. i am thedown who did notconsider your feelings. you love someone else but i keep on pushing myself to you. i am the one who did not feel that i am not welcome in your life. i love you and for thelast time, i will keep it inside of me forever.

I love him so....

2005-01-26T20:22:00.000+08:00

And I love him so, I love him, I love him. But why does he not love me? He wont love me. But I still love him though. I offered my heart in his presence. I disarm myself from knowing that he doesnt love me. I am hoping that someday, maybe someday, maybe somewhere, he will love me. He will shower me with his soft kisses. His arms stretched around my body, never knowing that there is still tomorrow. To hug me with those tender hands giving me such pleasure. A pleasure that only heaven can give. It is him, only him, only his body can give. A body that I longed for in my dreams. A temple of my love, a sanctuary of my heart. Danjoseph..... I hope someday you will also give your heart to me.

Individuality...the art of being unique

2005-01-25T19:58:00.000+08:00

Who am I? Am I like you?

Am I a puppet in a string?

or a bird who wants to spread its wings?

Who am I? Am I like you?

Am I a mask trying to hide aomething?

Or a wasp with a deadly sting?

Who am I? Am I like you?

A man after a woman?

Or a woman that runs from a man?

Who am I? Am I like you?

A chameleon whos color is changing?

Or someone whos heart is hurting?

Who am I? Am I like you?

Am I my mother or my father?

My brother or my sister?

Who am I? Am I like You?

Am I a new born baby?

or a teen ager or an adult, maybe?

Who am I? Am I like you?

No, I am not you

neither you are me

I am me and you are you

we are different, were not the same

I am an individual, and so are you

We are the same

But we are also different

In the name of Individuality

Because, Individuality is the art of being unique.

Ang Kwento ng umaalog na ford Pierra

2005-01-25T19:16:00.000+08:00

Maraming bagay sa mundo ang hindi natin kayang iexplika. tulad ng mga pagkakagawa ng mga pyramid ng mga Maya's, ang Colossus of Rhodes, Ang langit at ang impiyerno, mga UFO, mga taong tamad atbp. Pero hindi ito tungkol sa piramide o ang langit at ang kabadingan ni satanas. Lalo namang hindi ito tungkol sa mga taong tamad na tulad ng mga klasm8 ko.Ito ay tungkol sa nakaparadang asul na Ford Pierra sa may Flerida at kalye papuntang Zamora. Its an eerie feeling looking at this car, its like something strange have been goin on in that particular sanctuary. A sanctuary of lust, thats what it is. Minsan makikita mo na lamang ito na umaalog. malakas na malakas na alog, tila bay may nagaganap na lindol. lindol na pilit tinatahak ng kotse s daanang mabako. Isa nga itong nakakatuwang pangitain ngunit mayroon pang mas kabagabagabag. Pagkatapos ng pag alog nito ay dalawang lalabas na lalake sa makalawang nitong tarangkahan. Pawis na pawis, tila bay tinahak nila ang sun dune sa Ilocos. Ang hapo nilang katawan ay maglalagi muna sa katapat na ilog na nasa tapat ng pinaparadhan ng Ford Pierra. Parang mga batang naghahanap ng hangin matapos ng kalahating araw na paglalaro sa arawan. Ang dalawa ay magngingitian sa isat isa na may tinutukoy na kung ano. May senyales na muli silang magbabalik sa pinagmulang lungga. Pag tumingin ka naman ay mababanaag mo ang gulo sa loob ng sasaskyan. hindi mo iisipin na ganoon iyon kagulo dahil sa tagal na nitong hinding nagagamit. Parang isang napakalakas na bagyo ang dumaan dito o di kayay isang maalab na tagpo ng pagsusugpong ng dalawang nagiinit na damdamin. Isang lugar kung saan ang kaligayahan ay sumbog. Ngunit hindi lang ito ang kapansinpansin, maamoy din ang napakasangsang na amoy ng clorox (kahit na alam mo walng naglalaba d2) na humalo na sa amoy ng kalawang at pintura na unti unti ng natutuklap sa ilang bahagi ng sasakyan. Isa itong misteryo sa parte ko. tinatanong ko nga sarili kung saan nanggaling amoy na iyon. ewan ko ba? basta ang alam ko ito ay isa sa mga hiwaga sa mundong ito.

Totoo ngang marami ang di mapaliwanag sa mundong ito, marami rin ang di makapaniwala sa mga hiwagang bumabalot sa bawat sikretong tinatago ng mga ito. Gusto ko itong malamn. Gusto ko itong subukan. Gusto ko itong tuklasin. Ngunit, mananatili ba itong sikreto? o sa bandang huli ay makikita ko rin ang susi na makapagbubukas sa pintuan na ito.

A song for BSE

2005-01-24T16:58:00.000+08:00

In the tune of Better days by Danielle Reeves

They have different beliefs

Maybe many more

But fate had them tangled

In each others life

Now, theyre having

Creating

and building

Memories as one

Then came the tears

but, they all knew

That its a part of the challenge

whjat life is about

Evry hurting

or crying

theyll just smiling

and face them all

And now they dont care if its right or wrong

theyre just playing the games

which they are belong

In the game of life

I know theyll be strong

I know, I know

everything sure

I know will alaways change

But the memories they shared

Will always stay as the same

Every laughter

they shower

to get better

i know for sure

Maybe somewhere in time

Roads will tear them apart

But another path leads

To their each others hearts

They will all meet

just in time

Oh so sweet

Thats what life is.....

Oh they dont care what tomorrow will bring

or what the futures will hold in him

But they can be sure

That they will never ever fail.........

Oh they can see some better days 3x

I cant find no title.

2005-01-24T16:18:00.000+08:00

Beyond the rain
My yearning will seize
The clouds of fate
Will flap its wings

After the storm
Another one comes
The rain will not stop
The hurting will go on

I wish I have a sun
To put in my sky
A light from my heart
To illuminate the dark

But the dark is very powerful
Even in the wake of the day
A pitch black shadow
Looms over my face

A shining spirit came
A dazzling sight
A soul that gave light
to my darkest hour

It gave me a warm
cozy feeling of excitement
A state of total pleasure
My salvation awaits

Then came another soul
Dark as the night
Cries of sorrow
Comes before it

I remember this soul
I remember the pain
the agony in his chains
The heartache he brought

Then I felt the pain
A chain under at my ankle
gripping me and holding me
pulling me close to the dark

The dark held me close
I cannot see
I cannot breath
I cannot move

But the shining spirit held my hand
Pulling me away
Helping me to move on
Filling me with his warmth

But I failed to feel it
I failed to hold it
I decided that I will go to the dark
I will embrace the past

Then, I cannot see anymore

I think I like someone again.

2005-01-23T13:34:00.000+08:00

Last night, me and my cousin Cris went to his Bf. That cute little son of a bitch named Angel. Yeah, hes cute, chinese eyes, pouty lips and that nose.... ohhh..... that IRRITATING NOSE. Its quite awkward to have a big nose (pero matangos un ha) for such an angelic face. then, in just a single moment, they were gone. they went to a certain Ford Pierra and the earthquake began. The car went bouncing like its speeding into a bumpy road. You know what Im saying..... leaving me and the friend of Angel, waiting for the aftermat. And this is where my story begins...

Allan, he was picked up bythe gay who, i just met last night. After the gay paid Allan his fee, Cris told Angel to introduce me to his friend. I never took noticed of him that instant, cause I thought that he was just an ordiary pick up guy. But then he opened up, when Cris and Angel went to heaven. Allan toldme that he did that because he wants to. He admitted to me that hes really horny, which I think, is not a crime. He can really do that without asking any payment if he like the gay. Yeah right! I said to him that Im not stupd enough to believe him. But I felt the sincerity in his words, and believe it or not, there are guys who are like that, especially the bisexualmen. But I think hes not a bi. He said "Shinishare ko lang ung blessings ko" which, intendedly, I think, to have double meaning. Then I laugh, he smiled atme and looked at me. I never saw a man who look so deep into another person. I felt like a spotlight isshining on my eyes because o the way he looked. I also looked at his face. The first thing I noticedwas his teeth. Those little teeth that looks so sharp and ready to havea kiss of a lifetime. Then those perky eyes, that seems to be laughing while at the same time gives a serious atosphere. That little nose that I liked so much. i know that you will ask if Ive fallen for him, nope not yet. We talked for about 45 minutes or more before Cris and Angel wentout of the car. Then, Ive noticed that Cris had a tiny little wet mark just below his chest. i need not to say what it is, ecause it is also a great big mystery for me. (i think thats totology, well.... thats good enough for me) Lets go back to the story. Angel said goodbye to cris and took Allan with him, but they also said that they would come back. Then, my kalandian went into action. here are the things that I told Allan while walking away fro us.....

1. allan hintayin kita ha...... he smiled
2. allan sabay tayong umuwi...... he smiled
3. allan.... allan..... wala lang...... he smiled
4. allan tabi tayo matulog...... he said "cge ba!" I blushed because of kahihiyan.... hehehe

Then they came back, Brian, one of my gayfriends oined us. Allan smiled at me again. Then, i walked to past the gate of Brians house and stayed at the veranda. Allan followed, I think that was then Cris told Allan that I liked him, which is true but I dont want him to know that. ANG MAYABANG NA HAMBOG AY SINABI BA NAMAN SA AKIN NA PATAY NA PATAY DAW AKO SA KANYA AT DAPAT AKO NA LANG DAW ANG PUMATOL SA KANYA KANINA. how stupid can he be? NAGULAT AKO, SINABI KO NA ANG KAPAL NG MUKHA NYA. and before I finished my sentene he said "OH ANO? TAYO NA BA?" my god, i felt that blood is pumping into my head. Yeah, i was flattered but at the same time I felt that I was ofended. So I said, ANG KAPAL NG MUKHA MO! BAKIT HINDI KA KAYA MAGBIGTI. he laughed, ooohhhhhhh that satanic giggle, i hate him i hate him i hate him. he told me thatit was ajoke, Deadma. He told me he was sorry, Deadma. He aimed his lips at me trying to kiss me but before he cold do that I pshed hi. He laugh and said, "Pag d mo tianggap sori ko hahalikan talaga kita" I wish I didnt told him that I accepted his apology..... hehehe..... but thats that. Then we talk some more and before three o clock in the morning I went home and he escoted me back to my Grandparents house in Pandacan.

I wish I could see him again, maybe next time I will have the guts to tell hm I like him. Maybe next time I will not be too suplada. Maybe next time he could give me that kiss.

I wish its already saturday.

I love him, yet..... I dont want to love him anymore

2005-01-21T18:52:00.000+08:00

Its been a year or so till I last saw the face of that miserable man. The face that made my spine tingle, my skin crawl and my head spin in a daze that I cannot feel my feet anymore. Its him who pounded my heart a thousand times that I never thought I could palpitate. That idiot, that little devil, that..... that..... that man that I love. Oh, how I love him and how I adore him. I cannot be free from the chains of his existence,. or..... am I the one who dont want to walk away. its very confusing, Im like a little child lost in the park, never knowing where to run and who to call for help. I really dont want him inside my system, I want to forget him, I really do. I want to take the nights when I dream of him and throw it all away. I want to burn everything that reminds me of him. I want cry..... cry..... and cry...... until I cant cry no more. Even if it takes me to cry blood, I would, just to take him off of my mind. Why? you ask. Its because I cannot move on, I can no longer see myself walking alone, without the memory of you. I cannot escape from the palm of love that I am feeling for you, its gripping me in the neck. I can no longer breath. I can no longer love somebody else. I can no longer speak of something or someone else but you. They say that time can heal all wounds, I wish that the time would come for me, that day when I can say it, right to your face, "you are only a friend to me." I need to love somebody else, I need to feel the warmth of life, I dont need your cold cruel heart. I wish to love again. I want to forget you. I want to see myself in the mirror, smiling, and saying. "Im free at last."

I want to shout.

2005-01-20T17:28:00.000+08:00

I want to shout, to scream and to let everyone hear my voice. I want to express my anger, my doubts and disappointments. I want to let everything out. I cannot take it anymore, I no longer have the ability to hold my anger inside of me. Just a little more and I know that my bubble will burst. The beginning of the end, a never ending torture to my part. But still, I must take my chances. They must not know that I am hurting inside, that I am now in brick of Insanity. Just a prick of a needle will drive me crazy. Just another heartache will kill me, like a Guillotine parting my body from my soul. I cannot sustain all the thoughts, all the disillusion and all the mirage of happiness inside of me. But on the other side of my brain, I want to let them know. Let them know what I think. Let them know what I feel. Let them know everything that is going inside of this tiny little soul that is reaching for the sun. I want to slap their face and tell them that I want them to listen to me. eventhough they would not beleive me, its enough for me that I told them what I think. That I told them the truth. Then, its up to them to beleive me or not, just as long that I have a sincere purpose and a clean conscience Im happy. But in the end, I want them to realize that what I said is the Truth. But thats reality, you acnnot make everyone believe that you know the truth.

----a message to my grandparents.

My one and only Love

2005-01-17T18:51:00.000+08:00

My Touya. One of the most sexy bishounen.

questions and some answers

2005-01-17T18:09:00.000+08:00

How do you define reality?

Is it the way you live in this world, or how the world lives in you?

How do you define Identity?

Is it what you think of yourself, or how other people thinks of you?

How do you define yourself?

By what you know about yourself, or what the others know about you?

Who do you believe?

those around you or yourself?

Then who are your friends?

Who are your enemies?

This is the reality.

2005-01-17T17:54:00.000+08:00

The reality is, everyone will die. everyone will disappear from this world. In a way or another, evryone will face death. But how will you look in the eye of Tanatos? how will you react in the sight of eternal damnation? will you cry? or will you accept the fate that your destiny had given you?

For me, Death is the salvation of life. You will never again feel pain or suffering. For you see, Life in this world is suffering, and only death can give you the peace that you long for. Only death can save you from this nostalgic existence.

yet..... I dont want to die, I dont want to leave this world, I dont want to emvrace happiness without the one that I love. Wiothout him, Death is more than Life to me.

Ang kagandahan ay hindi nasusukat sa Pagkakaroon ng BF

2005-01-17T13:50:00.000+08:00

I will quote Anniel, "Alam mo Jim, ang kagandahan ay hindi nasusukat sa pagkakaroon ng BF. Kaya wag kng mainggit sa pinsan mo kung may Bf xa. U have ur ow beauty." Well thanx Anniel. Oo nga, bakit ko b kelangan mainggit eh maganda nman ako. Un lng ang naiisip ko ngaung araw n 2 kya iba nman........

My College friends

2005-01-14T23:52:00.000+08:00

As I look back from my past, I remembered the first time I met my friends here at PLM. E2 nga cla eh.....

1. Isa...... a friend in deed, one of the best. kahit na ilang bese kming nagkaroon ng misunderstanding, we managed to tie the knots. Astig to pag pumorma

2. Cielo..... Xa ung isa s mga closest sa akin, good voice. mabait.

3. Ai...... one word can describe her..... MALANDI. dyan ako ngamana ng kalandian.

4. Heidz and Pau..... Sosyal, i love them. cla ang iniisip ko kpag nakakita ako ng love team. C Heidz ang plaging nagsasabi ng I love you Jim little that she knows, i love her too (as a friend). Pau's a clown.

5. Mae and Lea...... Kalandian, kausap pag dating sa sex. cla lng ung open minded na klasm8 ko. isa lng ang motto nmin "NO SECRETS"

6. MG..... Ako ang nagpangalan sa kanila nun. k arian nman ay malaki ang pwet o dooba. Madel's the best. Chot, ahhhhhhhhhhhh adik? Joey mis na kita, at c Mavec liit

7. Raine...... closest of the closest. pinakamaganda sa klase, that is, next to me.

8. Yoh....... two letters lng ang makakapagdescribe dyan...... i love yoh

9. Rye...... maitim.

10. N2...... kumag, neurotic, abnuy, at myaman (un anmg sabi nya)

11. Abat....... a true classmate.

12. Gianne and Gian...... Yin and Yang.

13. Arfel..... Anime freak. sya ung nilalapitan ko pagdating sa Anime.

14. Kim...... I love Kim

15. Daisy and Arlene..... Go Super Gals

16. Anniel..... Kachukaran, virgin pa daw xa

17. glenn...... isa pang virgin

18. Ynah....... Bakulaw. Laki pwet at boobs.

19. gayle..... Loka loka. pokpok

20. Jho..... female counterpart of me

21. chezka...... Cookie Monster.

22. Des..... Pasaway.

23. Marj..... ngumiti k nman..... bamabang extension.

24. Edsel..... I love this guy? ewan.... basta ang galing nya kumanta.... isa xa s mga tinitingala ko s klase.

25. Chester..... simply, irresistable.

26. Rommuel..... Putang Ina nya..... pafrost frost pa xa..... ang alam ko nasa Siberia n xa.... LOLZ

27. Tin tin..... mabait na mabait

28. Social Studies Majors (regulars)...... one of the best block lao n kpag sinama cla sa amin.... nothing can stop us.

Warning..... these are only random thoughts. dont take it seriously.

seven reasons why i dont have a boy friend

2005-01-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

many of my friends ask me why am I still single. well heres seven reasons to answer their querries.

1. Men dont like me...... i dont know why but i think it is because of the following

2. I have a strong personality.....daw???...... maganda nman ako pero mukhang suplada daw ako......

3. suplada ako.... well un tlga ako eh. ano mgagawa ko? Im not that stupid to change

4. I hate men.......naloko na kc ako eh! at sabi nila nanonopla daw ako ng mga lalake.....which is.... i think..... is true.... kc its a self defense eh.

5. Im very picky..... ewan ko b, i think im just looking for Mr. perfect. sabi nga ni Anniel "Maybe ur looking for someone na mas matalino sa iyo"...... cguro im looking for someone like Danjo or someone who can undertake me kc lagi n lng ako ang superior eh. gus2 ko ung kanakawawa ako......Masukista b i2?

6 Mam Maaliw told me that we can find happiness in Singleblessedness. Well...... so far..... im happy

7. Lastly.... IM HAPPY BEING SINGLE..... NO RULES TO BE FOLLOWED..... NO COMMITMENT...... NO NOTHING.......

That is why I am single........ for now.

IV Amity

2005-01-13T20:45:00.000+08:00

I reminisce all the good times that I had in my life. Each laugh, each smile, each moment that made my spirit high. then, I went back to my good old high school days. The day when everyone of us is very care free. we dont think about what will happen next, we only enjoyed what we are doing today. Expecting everything, from the teachers that we loved down to each student that we throw a smile with. Dancing in an isolated part of La Forteza building or singing a sweet song together in an empty shed across the gates of the said building. This is the time that we learned the value of friendship. A strong bond that even the worst of enemies felt as they see each others ability to give and accept love. Speaking of love, this is when all of us felt the urge to share the true meaning of love. Though some of us had been shattered by the darkside of love, still, we triggered a great deal of experience in love. All of us (my classmates), shared a sacred bond as friends, as brothers and sisters, and some.... as lovers. This is what I miss, this everything that I longed for, this the best time of my life. Hope this is also yours.

Nakuuu............ naiiyak na ako, tama na muna ang pagiging sentimental. Balikan ko muna yung mga masasayang ala-ala.

1. naaalala nyo b nung nagalit sa mga bakla si sir Casantosan? Ung muntik muntikan na kaming batuhin ng eraser? hehehe. that was one of my most embarassing moment. Diyos ko, imagine, a student running for top one, babatuhin ng eraser ng adviser nila.

2. Mam Lino. si babalina. Kumusta na kya xa? miss ko n rin un...... ung baba nya hehehe hindi nman. but i really admire her faith in our educational system. xa nga ung isa s mga inspiration ko kya ko kinukuha ang education eh. At si Mam Infante nman ang naginspire sa akin to pursue the majoring in the english subject.

3. E ung pag utot utot ni Juanito naaalala nyo p b? oo ung mabahong gas na lumalabas sa puwet nya.... d ko nga alam kung anu ano ang pumapasok sa butas nyang un at bakit iba tlga ang amoy. cguro ano un............bsta msama banggitin.

4. C christian n plaging kla mo may beauty pageant at si jomar n laging nakbuka ang bunganga ang nagbibigay sigla s klase. Dala nila ang ktatawanan dahil mukha ata clang mga clown na bakla.

5. Ang heartthrob na C bhal ang pinaka gwapo s IV-2. one of the best.... yeahba.... miss u Bhal.

6. C Ramon aka Tatang. No comment

7. Ang mga dance troup sa klase na kaytitigas nman ng katawan. But I think na dpat cla n ang nakakuha ng best male dancers of our batch. C bebang nga pla ung mlanding halimaw ay isa s mga dancer. Alam ko nagjajapan n xa ngaun eh.

8. Shela Cagampang, Gagamba as I like to call her. Ung mga pagsigaw nya ng "pugay May" at ung "Da rap" na parangf pinuputol putol ung mga words pra lng sa CAT. which I think is the most tiring part of my High School Life.

9. Hindi pla Cat ung pinaka mahirap na part ng aking high school life. Andyan p pla ung..... YCAP kayu Mam Espejo. Un ung pinakamahirap. Ewan ko b kung bakit tayo pinagbuhat ng mga bato pra lmang pumirma sa isang index card. and take note..... d k mkakagraduate pag hindi mo nabuo un. Prang sinasabi nila na its matter of having a future plan or not graduating at all. natatwa n lng ako pag naaalala ko un.

10. Lastly, ang pinakamasayang field Trip. I need not to say anything to describe it. There is no appropriate word to define the feeling that i had.

From here on.... peace out

Another fucking day

2005-01-11T19:05:00.000+08:00

Its another day, another fucking day. well, its just another dull day in the exciting life of Jimbert. Ano nga b nangyari sa akin ngaun? ay oo nga pla, pumasok ako ng masakit ang akin tiyan. Though ganito nman lagi (-due to my over acidirty na namana ko.... ewan ko kung kanino) ay pinilit ko pa rin pumasok para matapos ung report ko sa Panitikan ng Pilipinas. Its about 6:30 am when I arrived at Avancena (in case you dont know, Avancena or AVA is the extension of PLM-- Because the main campus is over crowded ay itinapon ang mga Education Students kasama ang mga Muslim.... no offense meant) then I tried to finish my work to be able to report about the Panitikan ng mga Kapampangan; which I waited for so long, because Im proud to be a Kapampangan. Hindi nga ako nakapag review sa test namin d2 eh. Thanx na lang for my ability to think and remember things at sa mga 7 points na sagot mula kay Mae ay alam ko na nakapasa ako sa test.

Then after the values, did I forgot to say that I love the Values Education Subject? Me and the sailor soldiers -as what they like to be called- went to Food Stuff. A small carinderia (hehehe) near TIP and AVA. I think its the cleanest carinderia that serves side walk foods. When I always eat in here I always remember my old classmates saying "Kahit d masarap basta mura siguradong mabubusog ka." I really love that, I dont know why but its meaning is being conveyed by the carinderia. Hindi lang nman tiyan ang nabubusog sa akin kpag pumupunrta ako ng food stuff eh. pati ang aking mga mata. Except for watching Irene in the TV, nakikita ko rin dun ung crush ko.
I think his name is Erwin, thats all I know about him. Pero, in just a struck of fate, a fucking thing happened. HINDI KO XA NAKITA KANINA!!!!!!!!!!! To hell with whatever you say... basta, xa n nga lng nagpapasaya sa akin tapos d ko p xa nakita. What a fucking day talaga.

Sa Advance Speech nman ay nagalit c maam kay Gianne, to tlgang c Gianne kung anu ano ang ginagawa. Ta ang ironic pa doon ay masaya pa xa. Ewan ko b sa iniicp nya. Pero natutuwa ako sa pagka optimistic nya kanina.

Pag uwi nman ay d ako nakakain ng Burger with TLC sa Jollibee, wala kc gus2ng sumama sa akin. alam mo b na isa pa iyon sa mga nakasira ng araw ko! kc pag gus2 kong kumain ng gus2 ko sna ay wlang pumigil. My mouth waters even now while Im writing this. Sana tomorrow makakain na ako ng Yum Burger with TLC. and hopefully ay makita ko c E......... bukas sa PE.

The last fight of heaven and earth

2005-01-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

kailan nga b ang huling pagtutuos?
well sa totoo lang wala nman talaga akong paki alam. Im not catholic but im a christian. but i dont believe in everything that the bible says.
ang alam ko lng. ang huling pagtutuos ay nangyayari na.
ang kabutihan lban sa kasamaan.
ang liwanag laban sa kadiliman.
pero sino ang mananaig?
guess what?
ur ryt!
ang kabutihan, thats how it is supposed to be.
pero paano kung ang kadiliman ang nanalo?
e d malaya tayong lahat.
magagawa natin ang lahat ng gusto natin. wala ng kasalanan.
pero masaya ba tayo?
masaya ba tayo na nalayo sa ating lumikha.
i dont think so.

but i know kung kaninong side ako sasama.
ikaw alam mo b kung kanino k sasapi?

a paradise lost

2005-01-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

A paradise lost

A world broken

The death of a great Eden

This is just the beginning of the end

A global catastrophe

An enigmatic event

in which humans and animals alike will perish

If we dont act know

then when?

when will we save our mother

who nurtured us in her bossom

who will open handedly accept us

at the time of our goodbye?

when will father time

make us see the destruction

the pestilence

the annihilation

of our race?

humans are the one to blame

for this.

It is me,

It is you,

It is everyone of us

that is to blame

for the untimely death of our mother Earth.

I pity myself

for not acting as what

our mother Earth want me to act.

And in my deathbed

I wish that the same nurturing prowess

the same body

will accept me to her womb.

Is it me or am i stupid

2005-01-08T21:30:00.000+08:00

sabi nila, im stupid...... well i dont know about them but i know im not. Is stupidity a crime? is stupidity an exposure to nothingness? is stupidity always comes after love? well..... i dont believe the first two questions but i really want to give a big comment on the last question. if loving some one who doesnt love you, then call me stupid. if loving someone with all of you is stupid, id rather be one. if loving a person though you know he doesnt give back all the love you give, then call me stupid. if loving everything in him isplain stupidity, then i accept that im stupid.

Is it me or Im stupid?

Man 2 Man?

2005-01-08T13:58:00.000+08:00

They say its Immoral

They say its bad

Its almost like

Everything that is bad is in this relationship.

The hell I care

To hell with all of them

This is love

This what I am living for

This what you are living for

This is what everyones lioving for

This is love

Then tell me

Is it Immoral?

Then I will ask you

Is love Immoral?

Is loving a person bad?

You will tell me that I should love the opposite sex

Love is not whether who you love

or loving somebody who the society wants you to

It is loving the one who truly accepts you

Loving the one who you feel deserves your love

and accepting his love in return

Love cannot be determined only to love somebody of the opposite sex

Love knows no gender

It cannot be limited by the society

If loving a man when you are a man is immoral

then id rather be immoral and express myself

Id rather be immoral and love

Id rather be immoral and free

Id rather be disgraced by the naive society

by the stupid church

by everyone

Than to be moral, trapped in a one sided social contract

Than to limit my love

Than not to express myself

Than to be naive

Than to fight what i truly feels.

It is not wrong to smoke

2005-01-08T13:31:00.000+08:00

It is not wrong to smoke
Bkit?
kc may Nicotine kng nakukuha
In every Puff of smoke
you will add more than a gram of dirt in your lungs
maninilaw ang iyong teeth
astig d b?
kc ur different.
d b astig maging iba.
sabi nga nila d b na.
yellow teeth is stronger than the white ones.
add mo p ung tulong mo sa government.
Its either of the two.
pinayayaman mo ang mga cigarette factory owners.
in chain treaction, malaki ang tax na nakukurakot ng RP.
Then the other one is,
binabawasan mo ang mga tao sa Pilipinas
kc nga were overpopulated.
pag nag labas k ng usok ay most of the second hand smokers ay nmamatay
you are helping the government to stop over population.

Ironic?
No!
But im proud to be a smoker.

walang magawa

2005-01-08T13:21:00.000+08:00

ano bng magandang gawin pag wlang mgawa? uhhhhhhhhh......... alam ko iniisip nyo! hehehe. basta ako. gagawa n lng ako ng wala (thats from bobong book's Alamat ng Gubat. Thanx k Ulang) nakakabagot ang mundo. nakakabagot ang araw lalo na pag wala kng mgawa.

Pag nsa bahay ka tapos sinabi mo sa nanay mo n wla kng mgawa e2 ang sasabihin nya.
"Oi marami kng mgagawa, maglinis k ng bahay. mag laba ka. linisin mo ung lababo. linisin mo ung mga bintana. mag walis ka. mag bunot ka. maglampaso ka. mag hugas k ng pinggan."
bakit nga ba ganito? isa lng sinabi mo tapos marami silangf sagot. ang tanga pa nila. as if nman ky mong gawin lhat un sa isang araw lng. parents sometimes are stupid.

pag na labas k nman at tumambay e2 nman nag sasabihin syo ng barkada mo.
"tara gimmick tayo"
para clang mga tanga noh? wala k n ngang mgawa uubusin p nila pera mo.

alam ko na. bkit kya d lng ako gumawa ng meron kesa sa wala.
ang gulo ko noh.

basta pag walang magawa magpopost n lng ako sa blog ko.

It is not whether your beautiful or not

2005-01-07T15:45:00.000+08:00

It is not whether your beautiful or not

It is not whether your rich or just eating on somebody elses palm

It is not whether your smart or not

It is how you laugh

how you smile

how you express joy

That makes my life worthwhile

Thank you all my friends

id rather die than to live without him

2005-01-07T15:40:00.000+08:00

id rather die than to live without him
id rather face the great abyss than to live in this world alone
without his touch
without his smile
without his love

the world may crumble at my feet
the sky fall at my head
the sea crashes at my whole body
but to look at him
while he is crying
is more than hell to me

because heaven is not beyond the after life
but heaven to me can only be found in his arms

I am What I am

2005-01-07T00:33:00.000+08:00

People says that we must be what they expect us to be

I say, theyre stupid!!

They are all locked up in the world where happiness

and freedom can only be acquired by being one of them

But that is not happiness nor it is freedom.

If happiness means that I will act as to what people want me to do

Id rather not feel happy

If freedom means doing things that your heart

does not want to do

Then lock me up in steel cage and throw away the key.

I say this society is BULL SHIT

everyone in this world is just a puppet

tied to a string

A string that is used to run the society,

to run the world,

to run life itself.

But in the end

I will stand in front of the great pinacle of death

with a smile on my face

shouting out loud

I AM FREE

that i survived life

just simply being

"I AM WHAT I AM"